Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
