The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
