im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
