Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
