I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
