We're facebook friends in real life
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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