smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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