remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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