So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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