shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
