One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
