Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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