Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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