PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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