Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
