I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
