cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
