he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
