My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
