We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
