I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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