Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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