Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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