we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
