everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
