I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
