I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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