she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
