So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
