We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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