Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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