so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
