you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
