i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
