these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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