take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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