at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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