girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
