when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
