Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
