I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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