I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
