So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
