Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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