you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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