Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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