u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
