This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
