what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
