i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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