Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
