I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
