Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
