I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
