So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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