You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
