I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
